Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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