I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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