Porn is love you can see.
We got so high we made milksteak
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
