this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
