BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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