The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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