so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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