I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
