lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
