Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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