i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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