And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
