You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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