why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
