Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
