if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize