I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
