before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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