There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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