I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
