did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
