Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
