the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
