he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
