is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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