oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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