Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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