Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
