To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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