And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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