My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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