We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
