toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well you can't waste a boner
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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