She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
