You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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