Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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