Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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