I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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