Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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