really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
