but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
