Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
