A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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