so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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