My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
