i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
porn star boner night. come get it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
