oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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