end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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