when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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