You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
