I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
