you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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