I hate all girls vehemently.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
