i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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