like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
