I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm just crazy horny about you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
