I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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