it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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