i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
