right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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