if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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