Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
