So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
