It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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