So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
