Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
