You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
