My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
