Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
